A recent article in a prestigious magazine claimed that, against all odds, Bill Clinton is still more popular than Barak Obama. It then goes to enumerate the reasons. Mostly political.
My explanations are probably more simplistic, but, nonetheless, well worthwhile considering. Firstly, women tell me that Bill Clinton has undoubtedly more sex appeal. Then, the general consensus is that Obama does not appear to be deriving as much pleasure from the Oval Office.
Why do people always try to get a political angle on things?
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
FAMILY
Once again, in a speech, Fidel Castro lashed out at capitalism. Over the years, I have tried to understand why he, who has obviously seen the devastating consequences of communism on the economies that adopted that utopian system, continues to attack the only system that is capable of generating wealth.
Dinosaur? At first, I thought so. Then, the other day, I remembered that he was the illegitimate son of a capitalist father. I also recalled that he had married into a very wealthy Cuban family. Finally, it came to my mind that, right throughout his life, he disliked work with a ferocious intensity.
I wonder... Could he, at his ripe age, still have an unresolved issue with his father?
Dinosaur? At first, I thought so. Then, the other day, I remembered that he was the illegitimate son of a capitalist father. I also recalled that he had married into a very wealthy Cuban family. Finally, it came to my mind that, right throughout his life, he disliked work with a ferocious intensity.
I wonder... Could he, at his ripe age, still have an unresolved issue with his father?
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
CLOWNS
A clown is candidate for a seat in the Brazilian parliament. He seems to have enormous public support, which is encouraging. At least for him.
If he is elected, I'm sure that he will have no trouble fitting in. After all, amongst other things, politics is also a circus.
If he is elected, I'm sure that he will have no trouble fitting in. After all, amongst other things, politics is also a circus.
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
ANTI-DEPRESSANT
Now it's anti-depressants. Apparently fish given those chemicals lose their sex drive.
Perhaps scientists could enlighten me: is it safe to shake the hand of a fellow who consumed fish that had been prescribed anti-depressants?
Perhaps scientists could enlighten me: is it safe to shake the hand of a fellow who consumed fish that had been prescribed anti-depressants?
NOVEMBER ELECTIONS
Wasn't it a much more business-friendly President Obama that we saw on television this week? I was totally amazed.
It just shows you how election time can change a politician in a jiffy. A chameleon would have a hard time competing.
It just shows you how election time can change a politician in a jiffy. A chameleon would have a hard time competing.
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
LESSONS FROM HISTORY
In the 16th century, through a series of sudden deaths in the royal family, a three-year old was proclaimed king of Portugal. His name was Sebastian.
Raised by his paternal grandmother and educated by an old army officer and a Jesuit priest, the young man grew up dreaming of a world that no longer existed. If he had served as model for Cervantes (who, by the way, was his contemporary), the resulting D. Quijote would have not been too different. The end of the story might, though.
A screwed up mind, he yearned to prove his military valour against the enemies of the Catholic faith. The vague possibility of armed action anywhere in the world was enough to raise his hopes of participating in such a conflict.
Finally, opportunity knocked at his door when the reigning Moroccan sovereign, Abu Abdallah Mohammed II, was dethroned by his uncle, Abu Marwan Abd al-Malik I, and asked Sebastian for his aid in asserting his rights.
Against the advice of experienced military men, he decided to lead an army into North Africa. Once there, he stubbornly disregarded the strategic plan elaborated by his staff. The result was the tragic battle Ksar El Kebir. That the young wacko died in the battle would have been of little significance, were it not for the fact that his irrationality had disastrous political and financial consequences for his country.
Many lessons could be learnt from this episode. As far as I am concerned, one suffices: beware of religious fanatics.
Raised by his paternal grandmother and educated by an old army officer and a Jesuit priest, the young man grew up dreaming of a world that no longer existed. If he had served as model for Cervantes (who, by the way, was his contemporary), the resulting D. Quijote would have not been too different. The end of the story might, though.
A screwed up mind, he yearned to prove his military valour against the enemies of the Catholic faith. The vague possibility of armed action anywhere in the world was enough to raise his hopes of participating in such a conflict.
Finally, opportunity knocked at his door when the reigning Moroccan sovereign, Abu Abdallah Mohammed II, was dethroned by his uncle, Abu Marwan Abd al-Malik I, and asked Sebastian for his aid in asserting his rights.
Against the advice of experienced military men, he decided to lead an army into North Africa. Once there, he stubbornly disregarded the strategic plan elaborated by his staff. The result was the tragic battle Ksar El Kebir. That the young wacko died in the battle would have been of little significance, were it not for the fact that his irrationality had disastrous political and financial consequences for his country.
Many lessons could be learnt from this episode. As far as I am concerned, one suffices: beware of religious fanatics.
Sunday, 19 September 2010
TUNES
Just received this interesting piece of news from South Africa: Julius Malema has changed his tune regarding President Jacob Zuma.
What? Does he now expect Zuma to be singing Una furtiva lagrima?
Because, as it is implied, if it is he, Malema, that's doing the crying, I can positively state that I've seen crocodiles do it more convincingly.
What? Does he now expect Zuma to be singing Una furtiva lagrima?
Because, as it is implied, if it is he, Malema, that's doing the crying, I can positively state that I've seen crocodiles do it more convincingly.
Saturday, 18 September 2010
ACKNOWLEDMENT
On checking my blog statistics, I could not help but notice that I have faithful followers in Beijing, Moscow and Washington. To all those who, albeit in the fulfilment of their professional duties, read my chronicles on a daily basis, I leave a warm salutation.
HAZINESS
The South African Communist Party and the ANC are like a fat woman on a scooter. Hard to tell where the woman finishes and the scooter begins.
UNCANNY
This morning the Mail On Line reports on an £800bn Mugabe diamond mine being run in partnership with the Chinese.
Let's forget, for a moment, that I had said as much in my posts Diamonds and Change. Sadly, this is what liberation and one man, one vote have meant for Africa.
Call me Seymour.
Let's forget, for a moment, that I had said as much in my posts Diamonds and Change. Sadly, this is what liberation and one man, one vote have meant for Africa.
Call me Seymour.
ACUPUNCTURE
In a recent rigorous study scientists have come to the conclusion that acupuncture can be a plausible treatment for depression.
I think that, this time, they have really hit the nail on the head. Have you ever seen a depressed porcupine?
I think that, this time, they have really hit the nail on the head. Have you ever seen a depressed porcupine?
Friday, 17 September 2010
BRUTUS
The way the political climate in South Africa is evolving I can already hear Jacob Zuma's voice echoing through the corridors of power:
- Et tu, Julius?
- Et tu, Julius?
NO CHANGE
Despite the recent meteoric rise in the price of gold, I have not changed my stance on the precious metal.
If you consider that the total industrial demand for gold (read jewellery manufacturing) is only about 10% of the total annual output, the present price levels cannot be justified on economic fundamentals.
There is no doubt that market fears have been a factor in the price rise, but, more recently, I have become aware of another driving force: some Central Banks are buying gold in significant quantities.
Now, if I were an impulse buyer, which I am not, I would rush out and buy some bullion in order to take advantage of any further appreciation. That would leave me exposed to wild swings in price levels that would be the result of possible manipulation.
What you have to do is to ask yourself is: if, for some decades Central Banks have shunned the metal, why would they now suddenly have become buyers? The answer is that, in order to remain competitive in the international markets, some countries are switching to gold in advance of some serious currency depreciation.
If you can assess the volumes of those gold purchases, you will have found yourself some currencies that you can short.
Don't be fooled by manipulation! Happy profits!
If you consider that the total industrial demand for gold (read jewellery manufacturing) is only about 10% of the total annual output, the present price levels cannot be justified on economic fundamentals.
There is no doubt that market fears have been a factor in the price rise, but, more recently, I have become aware of another driving force: some Central Banks are buying gold in significant quantities.
Now, if I were an impulse buyer, which I am not, I would rush out and buy some bullion in order to take advantage of any further appreciation. That would leave me exposed to wild swings in price levels that would be the result of possible manipulation.
What you have to do is to ask yourself is: if, for some decades Central Banks have shunned the metal, why would they now suddenly have become buyers? The answer is that, in order to remain competitive in the international markets, some countries are switching to gold in advance of some serious currency depreciation.
If you can assess the volumes of those gold purchases, you will have found yourself some currencies that you can short.
Don't be fooled by manipulation! Happy profits!
ASTONISHED
The general secretary of the South African Communist Party, Blade Nzimande, claimed yesterday that a lot of dirty money is circulating in the ANC.
No! I'm shattered! But, if that is the case, why don't they just launder it?
No! I'm shattered! But, if that is the case, why don't they just launder it?
Thursday, 16 September 2010
EUROPEAN UNION
Rumours are doing the rounds that, in future, at the end of months when deaths of pensioners exceed the expected average, it is going to become mandatory for ministers of social welfare to kneel for a quick prayer of thanksgiving.
DEFICITS
This morning the European Union started meeting on the question of a regulatory framework to control excessive government deficits. Significant reduction in public debt is the arch-enemy of the electoral promise and, consequently, of the professional politician.
I'm no prophet, and I may be wrong, but I can already see a lot of lawyers having to resort to work for the first time in their lives.
I'm no prophet, and I may be wrong, but I can already see a lot of lawyers having to resort to work for the first time in their lives.
DISAGREEMENT
A person I much admire is Warren Buffett. Notwithstanding, he and I have one permanent, albeit silent, disagreement. He wants to pay more tax. I don't.
I presume that the reason for our major difference is that, whereas he still looks relatively well, I have this appalling anaemic look about me, the way the IRS vampires have been feeding on me. So, I am afraid that this will be the one disagreement that we will both carry to the grave. Much to my chagrin.
Lately, I have been toying with the idea of getting a permanent cure for my illness. First, I thought of committing a minor crime, say, something like throwing a medium-sized rock through the shop window of New York store. I figured that, the way American prison sentences are surreal, I might get 25 years to life without the option of parole, which would enable me to lead a comfortable life at the expense of the State, instead of it being the other way around. Finally, I gave up on the idea, for, with my luck, I might just get 300 hours community service at the local mortuary.
It was at that point that I decided to become more creative. I looked up the tax codes and found out that there is no tax on begging. At my age, I can easily let my beard grow, buy myself some tattered, old clothes, and I will have a morning occupation. In the evening, I'll shower thoroughly, put on my tuxedo and go out on the town.
What's more, if I interpret correctly President Obama's vision of the future, I might still be eligible for social benefits!
I presume that the reason for our major difference is that, whereas he still looks relatively well, I have this appalling anaemic look about me, the way the IRS vampires have been feeding on me. So, I am afraid that this will be the one disagreement that we will both carry to the grave. Much to my chagrin.
Lately, I have been toying with the idea of getting a permanent cure for my illness. First, I thought of committing a minor crime, say, something like throwing a medium-sized rock through the shop window of New York store. I figured that, the way American prison sentences are surreal, I might get 25 years to life without the option of parole, which would enable me to lead a comfortable life at the expense of the State, instead of it being the other way around. Finally, I gave up on the idea, for, with my luck, I might just get 300 hours community service at the local mortuary.
It was at that point that I decided to become more creative. I looked up the tax codes and found out that there is no tax on begging. At my age, I can easily let my beard grow, buy myself some tattered, old clothes, and I will have a morning occupation. In the evening, I'll shower thoroughly, put on my tuxedo and go out on the town.
What's more, if I interpret correctly President Obama's vision of the future, I might still be eligible for social benefits!
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
FOR CHILDREN
President Barack Obama is to publish a children's book within the next few weeks.
I wish to take this opportunity to congratulate him most sincerely on his excellent initiative. I feel, and many will agree with me, that it is the one activity at which he can really excel.
I wish to take this opportunity to congratulate him most sincerely on his excellent initiative. I feel, and many will agree with me, that it is the one activity at which he can really excel.
BANKRUPTCY
I'm losing patience with Fidel Castro. Just as I thought that he was finally seeing the light, he has recanted on the question of Cuba's economic model. He claims he was misinterpreted.
The problem with him is that he has never read the Italian philosopher Benedetto Croce. Had he done so, he would have realised two very important things: firstly, that, while the dialectic method functions well in the realm of thought, when applied to History it becomes an aberration; secondly, that, basing an economic model on the particular conditions of Industrial Revolution England, is an even bigger aberration.
It is obvious that he has also not read John Maynard Keynes, a man whose economic theories don't leave me particularly excited, but who, on one question, seems to have been quite right. He argues that Marxism is based on a gross misinterpretation of David Ricardo.
If the Cuban model is such a successful recipe, why is his brother firing, according to some sources, half a million, according to others, one million public servants?
The problem with him is that he has never read the Italian philosopher Benedetto Croce. Had he done so, he would have realised two very important things: firstly, that, while the dialectic method functions well in the realm of thought, when applied to History it becomes an aberration; secondly, that, basing an economic model on the particular conditions of Industrial Revolution England, is an even bigger aberration.
It is obvious that he has also not read John Maynard Keynes, a man whose economic theories don't leave me particularly excited, but who, on one question, seems to have been quite right. He argues that Marxism is based on a gross misinterpretation of David Ricardo.
If the Cuban model is such a successful recipe, why is his brother firing, according to some sources, half a million, according to others, one million public servants?
JOHN BULL
In the UK interest rates stand at 0,5%, whereas inflation touches 5%. This means that, should the differential remain unaltered, in 16 years time your money will be worth zero.
I've seen people go to jail for less serious financial crimes.
I've seen people go to jail for less serious financial crimes.
ORIGINAL
When it came to craftiness, I thought the Greeks were well ahead of any other nation. So much so that, in the past, whenever I shook the hand of a Greek, afterwards I always counted my fingers to make sure they were still all there. Last week I was proven wrong.
You know Japan? One of the countries with the largest number of centenarians? Coral calcium and all?
Pure fiction! The truth is otherwise. Some of the alleged centenarians actually died years ago. In order to continue receiving the state pensions, their families simply kept their corpses at home.
Brilliant idea! Absolutely brilliant! Eventually you get used to the flies.
You know Japan? One of the countries with the largest number of centenarians? Coral calcium and all?
Pure fiction! The truth is otherwise. Some of the alleged centenarians actually died years ago. In order to continue receiving the state pensions, their families simply kept their corpses at home.
Brilliant idea! Absolutely brilliant! Eventually you get used to the flies.
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
CONSTITUTION
You and I know that the constitution of any country sets out the powers and duties of its government, but, at the same time, guarantees the fundamental rights of its citizens. In modern societies those rights follow (or should follow) The Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Even if, for argument's sake, you were to exclude from the equation façade constitutions (which, in today's world, are in no insignificant number), you would still have to contend with the fact that, in traditionally serious democracies, governments have, over a period of decades, methodically been making dangerous inroads into the rights of citizens. It is undeniable that, in general and with some exceptions, people are less free today than what they were, say, 50 or 60 years ago.
It is erroneous to think that freedom inevitably equals one man, one vote. That would hold true if that curious little invention called the ballot box was not the bosom friend of the electoral promise. When you promise the Moon, you always end up with larger governments. In some countries, the weight of the State in the economy is already half of GDP. The result? Higher taxes. Between direct and indirect taxation, in some parts of the world citizens pay 50% of their income. Now, is that not a form of slavery? Have a look at what Article 4 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights has to say about slavery.
You also thought that, with the end of the Cold War and the fall of the Berlin Wall, you would be able to take a deep breath. Wrong! Today there are more government agencies spying on you than at the height of the conflict with the Soviet Union. The excuse? Terrorism and drug cartels. Have a look at what Article 12 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights has to say about the right to privacy. Unfortunately, Big Brother is no longer just a television reality show.
At the end of my lengthy discourse, I can sense you asking me: do constitutional courts not prevent this permanent encroachment into individual freedom? Well, my friend, legalese is pretty much like theology: it always has a way of explaining the unexplainable. In the end, it all boils down to semantics. In plain English: deceptive arguments.
Take the UK, for example. If, like his predecessors, Mr. Cameron continues to trash the constitution, albeit in a civilised way, very soon all that there will be left for British citizens to enjoy is the Changing of the Guard. May God save the Queen!
Even if, for argument's sake, you were to exclude from the equation façade constitutions (which, in today's world, are in no insignificant number), you would still have to contend with the fact that, in traditionally serious democracies, governments have, over a period of decades, methodically been making dangerous inroads into the rights of citizens. It is undeniable that, in general and with some exceptions, people are less free today than what they were, say, 50 or 60 years ago.
It is erroneous to think that freedom inevitably equals one man, one vote. That would hold true if that curious little invention called the ballot box was not the bosom friend of the electoral promise. When you promise the Moon, you always end up with larger governments. In some countries, the weight of the State in the economy is already half of GDP. The result? Higher taxes. Between direct and indirect taxation, in some parts of the world citizens pay 50% of their income. Now, is that not a form of slavery? Have a look at what Article 4 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights has to say about slavery.
You also thought that, with the end of the Cold War and the fall of the Berlin Wall, you would be able to take a deep breath. Wrong! Today there are more government agencies spying on you than at the height of the conflict with the Soviet Union. The excuse? Terrorism and drug cartels. Have a look at what Article 12 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights has to say about the right to privacy. Unfortunately, Big Brother is no longer just a television reality show.
At the end of my lengthy discourse, I can sense you asking me: do constitutional courts not prevent this permanent encroachment into individual freedom? Well, my friend, legalese is pretty much like theology: it always has a way of explaining the unexplainable. In the end, it all boils down to semantics. In plain English: deceptive arguments.
Take the UK, for example. If, like his predecessors, Mr. Cameron continues to trash the constitution, albeit in a civilised way, very soon all that there will be left for British citizens to enjoy is the Changing of the Guard. May God save the Queen!
SPY STORIES
I'm sure the story has been around the world several times. Yet, the mystery remains and we are no wiser today than what we were when journalists started putting pen to paper.
By now, you realise, of course, that I'm talking about the alleged MI6 spy found dead in a London flat. Very strange. Or what?
A friend of mine remarked over coffee that, with espionage being that dangerous, he would never not consider taking it up. I pointed out to him that, at his age and with his failing eyesight, no agency would ever employ him, as he would be unlikely to distinguish friend from foe. Furthermore, I added, his arthritis would also not advance his application. That seemed to dispel his concerns. He even had a second cup, this time being able to savour it in a more relaxed way.
We discussed at length the different theories that had emerged since the tragic event, being careful, in each case, to weigh the different arguments. By the time the waitress started to look at us as if we were museum pieces, we had still not reached any conclusion. So we left hurriedly.
Already at home, and far from the aggressive eyes of women whose only objective in life is obviously nothing more than the next tip, I was able to settle on what I consider to be the story behind the story.
Why hide the truth? The man was no spy. He was simply one of Mr. Cameron's new tax inspectors looking for incriminating financial information allegedly hidden in the false bottom of a duffel bag. The fact that the search went wrong and he ended up inside the bag is just one of the hazards of the job.
By now, you realise, of course, that I'm talking about the alleged MI6 spy found dead in a London flat. Very strange. Or what?
A friend of mine remarked over coffee that, with espionage being that dangerous, he would never not consider taking it up. I pointed out to him that, at his age and with his failing eyesight, no agency would ever employ him, as he would be unlikely to distinguish friend from foe. Furthermore, I added, his arthritis would also not advance his application. That seemed to dispel his concerns. He even had a second cup, this time being able to savour it in a more relaxed way.
We discussed at length the different theories that had emerged since the tragic event, being careful, in each case, to weigh the different arguments. By the time the waitress started to look at us as if we were museum pieces, we had still not reached any conclusion. So we left hurriedly.
Already at home, and far from the aggressive eyes of women whose only objective in life is obviously nothing more than the next tip, I was able to settle on what I consider to be the story behind the story.
Why hide the truth? The man was no spy. He was simply one of Mr. Cameron's new tax inspectors looking for incriminating financial information allegedly hidden in the false bottom of a duffel bag. The fact that the search went wrong and he ended up inside the bag is just one of the hazards of the job.
PROGRESS
Not one day goes by without some news media trumpeting a miraculous advance in medical science. It's absolutely sickening.
Well, if doctors are so brilliant, why aren't they immortal?
Well, if doctors are so brilliant, why aren't they immortal?
Monday, 13 September 2010
TAXATION
Around midday, just as I was about to set my teeth on a very juicy apple that I had finished baptising with the name of lunch, I received a call from my dear old friend Moshe Kaplan, phoning me from the southern tip of Africa.
Needless to say that, in the great scheme of things, and not withstanding the fact that I am a vegetarian, I value Moshe more than any fruit, even if that fruit featured prominently in the Garden of Eden. So, although my dentures fell out, the way I was caught in middle of the action, I did not hesitate to pick up the phone.
Did I know that, in South Africa, only 10% of the population pay taxes? You don't say, I replied hopefully, has the country become a tax haven?
No, man, he fired quickly, those are the ones that carry the burden!
It didn't take me much time to figure out the situation.
Moshe, I said, go get yourself an Afro hair style and move into a shack.
Needless to say that, in the great scheme of things, and not withstanding the fact that I am a vegetarian, I value Moshe more than any fruit, even if that fruit featured prominently in the Garden of Eden. So, although my dentures fell out, the way I was caught in middle of the action, I did not hesitate to pick up the phone.
Did I know that, in South Africa, only 10% of the population pay taxes? You don't say, I replied hopefully, has the country become a tax haven?
No, man, he fired quickly, those are the ones that carry the burden!
It didn't take me much time to figure out the situation.
Moshe, I said, go get yourself an Afro hair style and move into a shack.
SUNDAYS
I've tried renaming them, but to no avail. Still the same lack of sensory stimuli, the very one that forces you to catch the fast train of thought. People with a one-way ticket are a psychiatrist's sure road to a true experience of heaven on earth. The extraordinary thing is that he achieves it without recourse to meditation or drugs.
As for you, you'll still be on the train, but he will have convinced you that you have already alighted. Whichever way, it doesn't really matter, because, in the end, you'll have no money left for the return ticket.
As for you, you'll still be on the train, but he will have convinced you that you have already alighted. Whichever way, it doesn't really matter, because, in the end, you'll have no money left for the return ticket.
Sunday, 12 September 2010
BURNING TO KNOW
An American pastor threatened to burn the Koran. In South Africa, a Muslim businessman wanted to burn the Bible.
What will these people do when all books become electronic?
What will these people do when all books become electronic?
REALITY IS BETTER THAN FICTION
I must confess that, at first, it was no more than a vague suspicion. Then, as time went by, it became a nagging thought. Now, at last, I was able to confirm it beyond any reasonable doubt. Downing Street has got MI6 breathing down my neck.
How can I be so sure? Well, the matter is self-evident. Only last week I was warning people to prepare themselves for some serious bricklaying. Just yesterday it was reported that Mr. Cameron had given up on window counting and was ordering tax inspectors to walk in right through your front door. Unexpectedly.
What's the difference? Not much, if you have got a back door. Otherwise, you have no option but to invite them for dinner.
They are entitled to look at any papers that have figures on them. Including your son's arithmetic exercise book, because he too could be cheating on his sums.
What is unclear to me is whether you have actually got to be at home before they walk in, or whether they could just hide in a cupboard waiting for you to arrive. Surprise!
It's not that one does not welcome the odd surprise, but imagine that you are making passionate love to your wife, and a fellow creeps out from under the bed demanding to see your cash receipt for the condoms. What then?
How can I be so sure? Well, the matter is self-evident. Only last week I was warning people to prepare themselves for some serious bricklaying. Just yesterday it was reported that Mr. Cameron had given up on window counting and was ordering tax inspectors to walk in right through your front door. Unexpectedly.
What's the difference? Not much, if you have got a back door. Otherwise, you have no option but to invite them for dinner.
They are entitled to look at any papers that have figures on them. Including your son's arithmetic exercise book, because he too could be cheating on his sums.
What is unclear to me is whether you have actually got to be at home before they walk in, or whether they could just hide in a cupboard waiting for you to arrive. Surprise!
It's not that one does not welcome the odd surprise, but imagine that you are making passionate love to your wife, and a fellow creeps out from under the bed demanding to see your cash receipt for the condoms. What then?
Saturday, 11 September 2010
MYSTERY
There is a question that has puzzled me for quite some time now. What is it that Muslim women do to their men that makes them explode so easily?
I can only surmise that living with them must be sheer hell. Why else would those fellows be in such a hurry to get to paradise?
I can only surmise that living with them must be sheer hell. Why else would those fellows be in such a hurry to get to paradise?
IN THE NAME OF GOD
Today, the 11th September, is the anniversary of another sad day in the history of the world.
Considering the horrendous atrocities which, in the name of God, most religions have committed against Humanity, it is hardly surprising that, these days, so many people thank God they are atheists.
Considering the horrendous atrocities which, in the name of God, most religions have committed against Humanity, it is hardly surprising that, these days, so many people thank God they are atheists.
Friday, 10 September 2010
EXPERIMENTS
Every time politicians invent a new economic model which, they argue, is designed to advance the cause of social justice, all they manage to do is throw the world into economic disarray.
Why don't they experiment on rats first?
Why don't they experiment on rats first?
THE ROAD SHOW
The Lord Mayor of London has taken his road show to China.
I am sure it will not make much difference. The openly anti-business stance of the last Labour government, the excessive deficit, the ridiculously high taxation and the prevailing uncertainty about future financial regulation have all been conspiring to force capital eastwards.
It is now only a question of time before the Mayor of New York decides to organise his own road show.
I am sure it will not make much difference. The openly anti-business stance of the last Labour government, the excessive deficit, the ridiculously high taxation and the prevailing uncertainty about future financial regulation have all been conspiring to force capital eastwards.
It is now only a question of time before the Mayor of New York decides to organise his own road show.
CHANGE
I consider the 1960 Wind of Change speech by Harold MacMillan to constitute a turning point in the history of the modern world.
Soon thereafter, African nations, carved out randomly in 1884 by the Berlin Conference without any regard whatsoever for ethnic realities, began looking to the Soviet Union for support in their struggle for independence. One of the consequences of that process of close collaboration was the invention of the so-called African Socialism which, together with high levels of corruption and tribal conflict, led the continent into indescribable poverty.
The way the world is evolving now, it is quite conceivable that, within a century, Africans will all be speaking Chinese.
In South America, the process of change has been different. Inspired by his boyhood hero Fidel Castro, Hugo Chávez crafted his own model of Amerindian Socialism and is now turning to Iran for strategic alliances. So far, he has only been able to impoverish Venezuela.
For reasons that are probably only obvious to me, I can't envisage the Venezuelans speaking Arabic, but, the way things are going, by the time Chávez is finished with his improvements, it is quite conceivable that they will end up living once more in the Maya pyramids.
Soon thereafter, African nations, carved out randomly in 1884 by the Berlin Conference without any regard whatsoever for ethnic realities, began looking to the Soviet Union for support in their struggle for independence. One of the consequences of that process of close collaboration was the invention of the so-called African Socialism which, together with high levels of corruption and tribal conflict, led the continent into indescribable poverty.
The way the world is evolving now, it is quite conceivable that, within a century, Africans will all be speaking Chinese.
In South America, the process of change has been different. Inspired by his boyhood hero Fidel Castro, Hugo Chávez crafted his own model of Amerindian Socialism and is now turning to Iran for strategic alliances. So far, he has only been able to impoverish Venezuela.
For reasons that are probably only obvious to me, I can't envisage the Venezuelans speaking Arabic, but, the way things are going, by the time Chávez is finished with his improvements, it is quite conceivable that they will end up living once more in the Maya pyramids.
FINALLY
In the second part of his interview with an American journalist, Fidel Castro reproaches Ahmadinejad for his anti-Semitism and urges him to abandon his nuclear aspirations.
It's amazing how a man of his age is still able to perform such perfect somersaults!
It's amazing how a man of his age is still able to perform such perfect somersaults!
Thursday, 9 September 2010
FINANCIAL RELIGION
I suspect the financial press lives in a permanent state of manic depression. It's either we have never had it so good or the end of the world is coming.
In its periods of euphoria, it dwells in heaven. During its phases of depression, it can see nothing but the flames of hell.
Follow it too closely, and you will be living in a constant purgatory.
In its periods of euphoria, it dwells in heaven. During its phases of depression, it can see nothing but the flames of hell.
Follow it too closely, and you will be living in a constant purgatory.
ECONOMIC MODEL
In a recent interview, Fidel Castro has finally recognised that the Cuban economic model no longer works for the country.
The truth of the matter is that it never did work. Neither there, nor anywhere else.
The truth of the matter is that it never did work. Neither there, nor anywhere else.
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
THE EUROPEAN SOCIAL MODEL
The argumentation being used by European politicians for the recent changes in retirement age rests on the fact that, while natality rates have decreased, longevity rates have increased. As some of them have described it, in a more down to earth kind of language, there are fewer people at the bottom of the pyramid and many more at the top.
Now I am fully enlightened. That would explain why Ancient Egyptians never built their pyramids upside down.
What I want know is: if it is a pyramid scheme, why isn't our Bernie Madoff running it?
Now I am fully enlightened. That would explain why Ancient Egyptians never built their pyramids upside down.
What I want know is: if it is a pyramid scheme, why isn't our Bernie Madoff running it?
RETIREMENT AGE
Yesterday France was discussing the possibility of raising the retirement age to 62. Other countries in Europe were bolder and have already set it at 65. I understand that, in Britain, while no decision has been reached, the age of 72 is being kicked around.
I must state unequivocally that I am in total agreement with these measures. Nothing raises spirits more at the office than an old employee who brings his own coffin to work in the mornings, just in case. It might even increase productivity, because, in the presence of that powerful symbol of mortality, people will be encouraged to get on with it before they breath their last.
For the civil service, I don't expect these measures to have great impact. The folks there have been dead for years and communicate with the public through mediums, which explains why they only know three speeds: slow, slower and very slow. In fact, having to go into a government department is an experience much akin to attending a spiritualistic séance. Only much more rewarding, because there is a better chance of coming across some of your long dead forefathers who are still waiting for a decision.
All in all, the future is going to be fun.
I must state unequivocally that I am in total agreement with these measures. Nothing raises spirits more at the office than an old employee who brings his own coffin to work in the mornings, just in case. It might even increase productivity, because, in the presence of that powerful symbol of mortality, people will be encouraged to get on with it before they breath their last.
For the civil service, I don't expect these measures to have great impact. The folks there have been dead for years and communicate with the public through mediums, which explains why they only know three speeds: slow, slower and very slow. In fact, having to go into a government department is an experience much akin to attending a spiritualistic séance. Only much more rewarding, because there is a better chance of coming across some of your long dead forefathers who are still waiting for a decision.
All in all, the future is going to be fun.
Monday, 6 September 2010
KEYNES
I strongly suspect that the only place where Keynesian economics ever worked properly was in the mind of John Maynard Keynes.
CONFIDENCE
IBM has recently managed to raise capital for a three-year period at 1% interest rate.
Mind boggling! Why would anyone want to lend money at that rate when a 10-year Treasury Bill is yielding close to 3%?
That's how much confidence investors have in US public debt...
Mind boggling! Why would anyone want to lend money at that rate when a 10-year Treasury Bill is yielding close to 3%?
That's how much confidence investors have in US public debt...
THE FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE
Over the centuries, historians have tried to find an explanation for the fall of the Roman Empire. One of the causes I have seen cited very often is moral decadence. As nobody has been able to explain to me what moral decadence is, I have to assume that it is the lack of divine intervention.
For, indeed, when I look at the economic situation of Rome around the 5th century A.D., I can quite believe that only a miracle would have saved the empire. An abnormally large army (read excessive weight of the state sector in the economy) and the abolition of slavery (read the disappearance of 100% taxation) would have been enough to rock the boat. Excess of expenditure over income, and no way to fund the deficit. Classic.
Naturally, you can try and find many other causes, and I will not argue with you. It's like somebody that suffers from a terminal disease, but whose death certificate points to multiple organ failure as the cause of death. In the end, what difference does it make?
Of course, everybody knows that states do not go bankrupt. Even if they did, I would not be moved to tears. What concerns me is that, through the disastrous economic policies of those that are supposed to know how to govern us, private wealth, which is the motor of any economy, gets reduced to ashes. The victims are always the same – the common people.
Would you trust your barber with a heart operation? No? So, when it comes to economic policies, why do you trust professional politicians? You must obviously believe in divine intervention. For sure.
For, indeed, when I look at the economic situation of Rome around the 5th century A.D., I can quite believe that only a miracle would have saved the empire. An abnormally large army (read excessive weight of the state sector in the economy) and the abolition of slavery (read the disappearance of 100% taxation) would have been enough to rock the boat. Excess of expenditure over income, and no way to fund the deficit. Classic.
Naturally, you can try and find many other causes, and I will not argue with you. It's like somebody that suffers from a terminal disease, but whose death certificate points to multiple organ failure as the cause of death. In the end, what difference does it make?
Of course, everybody knows that states do not go bankrupt. Even if they did, I would not be moved to tears. What concerns me is that, through the disastrous economic policies of those that are supposed to know how to govern us, private wealth, which is the motor of any economy, gets reduced to ashes. The victims are always the same – the common people.
Would you trust your barber with a heart operation? No? So, when it comes to economic policies, why do you trust professional politicians? You must obviously believe in divine intervention. For sure.
MODERN DEMOCRACY
The end of the 19th century and most of the 20th witnessed a continuous struggle for political franchise. Thousands of human beings all over the world battled and died for the right to cast a vote in the erroneous belief that the ballot box would solve everything.
Well, it didn't. The only right you acquired was, in fact, to be taxed into oblivion and to have your personal freedom curtailed to an absolute minimum. This would explain how, in modern democracy, we ended up with a State that suffers from morbid obesity,while its citizens are dying of malnutrition.
Social justice, they call it. Disguised dictatorship would perhaps be a more appropriate term, in my opinion. Nothing to die for, though. The Roman Colosseum was probably as equally cruel, but certainly a lot more entertaining.
Well, it didn't. The only right you acquired was, in fact, to be taxed into oblivion and to have your personal freedom curtailed to an absolute minimum. This would explain how, in modern democracy, we ended up with a State that suffers from morbid obesity,while its citizens are dying of malnutrition.
Social justice, they call it. Disguised dictatorship would perhaps be a more appropriate term, in my opinion. Nothing to die for, though. The Roman Colosseum was probably as equally cruel, but certainly a lot more entertaining.
Sunday, 5 September 2010
MARIJUANA
Modern science is making giant strides in determining that marijuana has some health benefits. I'm sure it will soon be legalised.
I'm glad. Not that, at my ripe age, I intend to take up the habit. It has never been my dream to climb the Everest. But junkies will no longer need to take up sport to justify their drug addiction. They can just smoke it on the street and get off my television set.
Furthermore, I feel very happy for President Obama's economic advisers. They must be rubbing their hands at the prospect of a new tax on marijuana production.
If only scientists could find a medical use for cocaine! I imagine the US deficit would then be solved in a sniff.
I'm glad. Not that, at my ripe age, I intend to take up the habit. It has never been my dream to climb the Everest. But junkies will no longer need to take up sport to justify their drug addiction. They can just smoke it on the street and get off my television set.
Furthermore, I feel very happy for President Obama's economic advisers. They must be rubbing their hands at the prospect of a new tax on marijuana production.
If only scientists could find a medical use for cocaine! I imagine the US deficit would then be solved in a sniff.
DISCOVERY
There was a time in my life when, for reasons that are of no particular interest to you, I visited the UK on a regular basis.
On one of those visits I was surprised to observe that, here and there, some houses had bricked in windows. Not wanting to show my ignorance, instead of asking, I quietly assumed that owners had needed an extra bit of wall for purposes of interior decorating. And I never gave it another thought.
The other day, quite by chance, I found the true answer in a financial publication. As people in the 17th and 18th centuries treasured their privacy and were unwilling to disclose the state of their financial affairs, His Majesty's tax officials devised an ingenious way of determining their wealth: counting the number of existing windows in their houses. Taxpayers countered by bricking in some of the windows.
In a way, it sadden me to have found out the truth behind the bricked in windows. Now that the cat is out of the bag, as I write, I can envisage governments around the world appointing armies of new civil servants to begin counting windows.
I am sure that there is bound to be a lot of bricklaying ahead. Yet, I am not hopeful. As it has always been the case in these instances, the man on the street will end up again in a dark cul-de-sac.
On one of those visits I was surprised to observe that, here and there, some houses had bricked in windows. Not wanting to show my ignorance, instead of asking, I quietly assumed that owners had needed an extra bit of wall for purposes of interior decorating. And I never gave it another thought.
The other day, quite by chance, I found the true answer in a financial publication. As people in the 17th and 18th centuries treasured their privacy and were unwilling to disclose the state of their financial affairs, His Majesty's tax officials devised an ingenious way of determining their wealth: counting the number of existing windows in their houses. Taxpayers countered by bricking in some of the windows.
In a way, it sadden me to have found out the truth behind the bricked in windows. Now that the cat is out of the bag, as I write, I can envisage governments around the world appointing armies of new civil servants to begin counting windows.
I am sure that there is bound to be a lot of bricklaying ahead. Yet, I am not hopeful. As it has always been the case in these instances, the man on the street will end up again in a dark cul-de-sac.
GREEN
I've had a good look at Green Parties around the globe, and I have come to the conclusion that they are pretty much like watermelons: green outside, red inside.
That's life. Things aren't always as they appear to be.
That's life. Things aren't always as they appear to be.
Saturday, 4 September 2010
CASTRO
The frequency with which Fidel Castro keeps expressing his fears that the US will attack Iran with nuclear weapons you would swear he lives in Teheran.
Or is there something else I am missing here?
Or is there something else I am missing here?
HONESTY
One quality I much admire in prostitutes is that, unlike politicians, they don't pretend to be the Virgin Mary.
CHOIR BOYS
In a town, somewhere in Brazil, the police arrested the mayor, the councillors and the management committee for alleged corruption.
Hard to say what went wrong there.
I just hope they are not being held at the local jail. You don't want common thugs acquiring high society mannerisms. Otherwise, they could easily become the opposition at the next elections.
Hard to say what went wrong there.
I just hope they are not being held at the local jail. You don't want common thugs acquiring high society mannerisms. Otherwise, they could easily become the opposition at the next elections.
Friday, 3 September 2010
WORRIED
Last weekend Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi was in Rome on an official visit. He took time off from his busy schedule to address a group of 500 women. On the occasion, he expounded at length on his vision for a Muslim Europe.
Am I suffering from Alzheimer's or is this really the year 711?
Am I suffering from Alzheimer's or is this really the year 711?
HOPEFUL
Next week Professor Stephen Hawking is publishing a remarkable work in which he claims that the Universe came into being spontaneously. I don't know. I wasn't present at the event. He obviously was, so I have to trust his testimony.
All the same, with God then definitely out of the equation, I hope that we won't have to continue going to war for religious reasons. At least, we are now free to invoke something different. Come on, fellows, let's be original for a change.
All the same, with God then definitely out of the equation, I hope that we won't have to continue going to war for religious reasons. At least, we are now free to invoke something different. Come on, fellows, let's be original for a change.
ALL ABOUT A SANDWICH
Recently a newspaper reported that a 41 year-old man choked to death on large ham sandwich.
By now, I can feel you elbowing me in the ribs and I imagine you winking at me in a knowingly way, as from one big liar to another. I can just tell! No need to. I swear it's true, cross my heart and hope to choke!
I agree with you that the story is most definitely a non-starter. To begin with, the title should never have been “Man chokes to death on large ham sandwich”. Only retired people would bother to read such an article. Now, if it had been “Man killed by ham sandwich”, that would have drawn a much larger audience.
Then, having gone through the whole narrative, I was disappointed to find out that the man had actually gone to the kitchen to prepare the sandwich himself. If, instead, it had been brought to him by his wife or by his mother-in-law, you could have there the beginnings of a fascinating plot, worthy perhaps of a prize-winning novel. As it stands, the whole thing falls flat like a cake without yeast. Not even Virginia Woolf, if she were alive, would bother to write about it.
Thus, as the story is presented, the only comment I can offer is: had the man been Jewish or Muslim, he would have never choked on a ham sandwich.
By now, I can feel you elbowing me in the ribs and I imagine you winking at me in a knowingly way, as from one big liar to another. I can just tell! No need to. I swear it's true, cross my heart and hope to choke!
I agree with you that the story is most definitely a non-starter. To begin with, the title should never have been “Man chokes to death on large ham sandwich”. Only retired people would bother to read such an article. Now, if it had been “Man killed by ham sandwich”, that would have drawn a much larger audience.
Then, having gone through the whole narrative, I was disappointed to find out that the man had actually gone to the kitchen to prepare the sandwich himself. If, instead, it had been brought to him by his wife or by his mother-in-law, you could have there the beginnings of a fascinating plot, worthy perhaps of a prize-winning novel. As it stands, the whole thing falls flat like a cake without yeast. Not even Virginia Woolf, if she were alive, would bother to write about it.
Thus, as the story is presented, the only comment I can offer is: had the man been Jewish or Muslim, he would have never choked on a ham sandwich.
Thursday, 2 September 2010
GOLD
Yesterday the price of gold reached new historical highs.
Contrary to the recommendations of the majority of analysts, I hold no gold in my portfolio. To be perfectly honest, I divested some months ago.
I'll tell you why. I agree that a significant percentage of the current price represents the devaluation of the paper currency, but the problem is that an undetermined percentage represents the fear that reigns in the markets. Until such time as I am able to determine what the latter percentage is, I am certainly not a buyer of gold. Why should I take over somebody else's fear?
I'll go further. I'm neither a buyer of exuberance nor of fear. If you are, I feel sorry for you. Unfortunately, in the financial world, if you follow the general paranoia, you do not end up in the madhouse, but you will certainly receive a warm welcome in the poorhouse.
Contrary to the recommendations of the majority of analysts, I hold no gold in my portfolio. To be perfectly honest, I divested some months ago.
I'll tell you why. I agree that a significant percentage of the current price represents the devaluation of the paper currency, but the problem is that an undetermined percentage represents the fear that reigns in the markets. Until such time as I am able to determine what the latter percentage is, I am certainly not a buyer of gold. Why should I take over somebody else's fear?
I'll go further. I'm neither a buyer of exuberance nor of fear. If you are, I feel sorry for you. Unfortunately, in the financial world, if you follow the general paranoia, you do not end up in the madhouse, but you will certainly receive a warm welcome in the poorhouse.
CROSSROADS
In 1971 Richard Nixon abolished the gold standard. Since then the value of paper money has gone down by roughly 90%.
At the same time that this devaluation in paper currency was taking place, credit availability (read indebtedness) was increasing exponentially. Individuals and nations went berserk.
In 2008-2009 the descending line and the ascending trajectory crossed paths. The result was explosive. The world had seen nothing like it since the Great Depression of the last century.
What we are going through, at the moment, is a process of deleveraging. It took us years to get to the crisis point and it will take years to return to normality. We should avail ourselves of this opportunity to rethink our policies.
This morning the IMF warned the G7 that further fiscal tightening is inevitable.
I'm so glad that they finally said something. I was already beginning to feel like the only fool around. And, believe me, that's a very lonely place to be.
At the same time that this devaluation in paper currency was taking place, credit availability (read indebtedness) was increasing exponentially. Individuals and nations went berserk.
In 2008-2009 the descending line and the ascending trajectory crossed paths. The result was explosive. The world had seen nothing like it since the Great Depression of the last century.
What we are going through, at the moment, is a process of deleveraging. It took us years to get to the crisis point and it will take years to return to normality. We should avail ourselves of this opportunity to rethink our policies.
This morning the IMF warned the G7 that further fiscal tightening is inevitable.
I'm so glad that they finally said something. I was already beginning to feel like the only fool around. And, believe me, that's a very lonely place to be.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
CONFESSION
An official in Caracas has revealed that Venezuela is the major arms supplier to the FARC in Colombia.
Why state the obvious? Nobody was so naïve as to think that those drug-dealing terrorists had also invented a way of growing machine guns in between their coca plants.
Why state the obvious? Nobody was so naïve as to think that those drug-dealing terrorists had also invented a way of growing machine guns in between their coca plants.
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